Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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