It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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