Tell her she can't have a vagina
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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