I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
