i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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