That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
