i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
