That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
