Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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