Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
