i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
