I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
