in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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