I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
