well you can't waste a boner
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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