my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
