he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
