woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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