Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She announced her abortion via fbk
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
