so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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