P.S. I can't hear my feet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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