just tell him i said nine months
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
