redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
