Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
