people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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