shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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