hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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