I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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