A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
