And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
