I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
