I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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