I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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