I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
