I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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