I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
