... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
