Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
