So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I AM VODKA MAN
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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