im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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