she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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