We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
