Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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