o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
