his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
