if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
