he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
