why didn't you poke me back
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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