Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
