My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
