I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's shark week go big or go home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
