He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
