You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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