he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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