careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
