just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
