He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
