so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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