I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
