she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
