her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize