the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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