I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
