I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
