If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
