dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
