I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You pole danced in your parka.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
