4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
