i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize