Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
