I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
