just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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