I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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