living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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