Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
