I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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