you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
