my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
