All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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