it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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